My Testimony

Did not know much about God growing up; my parents, who were both alcoholics, were divorced by the time I was five; I had three sisters and a brother that were all older then myself. What impacted my life the most was the sexual abuse by my dad, which started around the age of three until about five from what I can recall (I did not remember the abuse until I was in my late twenties); eventually forgiveness and freedom came for him and myself.

I first came to the Lord in my early twenties. It was a wonderful time in my life; I was happily married and had two wonderful children. Life was grand, until one day I started having flash backs of the sexual abuse from my childhood. My life spiraled out of control, and eventually I crashed into a mental institution and they diagnosed me Bi-polar. The happy childhood I thought I had, faded into the dark past I thought were just nightmares. That is when the long journey down the road of suffering with a mental illness began.

For the next 15 years of my life I dealt with mental illness. It was not only Bi-Polar, but later I was also diagnosed Boarder Line Personality Disorder. Along with individual and group counseling, I took several medications. I loathed who I was. I could not even look at myself in the mirror without being disgusted with the sight of myself. I was in and out of mental hospitals, but through it all, I knew God could and would heal me! For many years I could not comprehend much; yet I understood that God seen something good within me, so I clung to my faith knowing the healing would come. No one or nothing was going to take that from me! And believe me the devil tried.

I put a lot of hard work and effort into my counseling sessions; faced a lot of heart aches others gave me, many troubles I brought on myself; and battled a few demons, but I never stopped seeking and praising God, or giving him the glory for anything good that happened in my life. Bottom line, God was my main source of survival. I knew he loved and accepted me and would heal me some day.

Eventually, that day came – TEN YEARS LATER! If I could shout Hallelujah now would be the time! About a year later after the healing, they took me off medication, and eventually my counselor and Psychiatrist told me there was nothing more they could do for me. I have been off medication for over 9 years! Many try to down play it or have unbelief, and say maybe you were misdiagnosed. Right before my counselor released me she told me, “Annette I counsel several woman, and there is about five I thought would never ‘Get it’, have a manageable life; and you were in the top three.” When I heard that I walked away feel like a miracle walking. It really impacted what god had done in my life. I knew how bad I was, I lived it every day, but for her to say that really made it sink in. I know I am a miracle! ALL FOR GOD’S GLORY!

I did not realize the healing took ten years, until I started writing a book to tell what God had done in my life. Love and acceptance was the one thing I knew God had for me despite the mental illness, and everything else I thought was wrong with me. I started writing, Love and Acceptance, hoping I might help someone by my experience. I use to pray “God if I can go through this and help one person it will all be worth it! About half way through the book God began to show me that the same love and acceptance I always knew is the same love and acceptance we are to have across denominational line. It was a great revelation, but that is another blog.
Blessings & Peace,
Annette